"Thanks for calling! Please leave us a message."
I mean, really. The outgoing message is a perfect opportunity for creativity. I have a friend whose message is that instrumental Boom-chicka-bow-wow, and that's it. I love it.
So, from time to time, I will reveal an outgoing message I'd love to have... but never will. Here's the first one:
You know what? We're not going to answer the phone. We're not. We're just not.
We may be screening, hovering over the machine, waiting to hear your voice. But
that's the thing. You don't know. (Pause) Bwa-hahahahaha! beep
Feel free to use it.
*Yes, we've heard of voice mail. We prefer to devote a portion of the kitchen counter to a machine that presides over our calls, blinking its little red eye at us.